Tuesday, February 15, 2011


My current job is quite demanding of my time.  I work 56 hours a week.  I work Monday through Saturday, every week of the year, unless I am on leave or there’s a public holiday, like we are blessed with this week.  Unfortunately, when I tell this to my friends and family, it doesn’t sink in.  What does sink in is that they are hearing from me a lot less than usual.  Working 56 hours a week is taxing both mentally and physically for me.  When I get home in the evenings I am exhausted from being up since 5:30, working all day, and closing at 6pm.  I eat, run and errand or two and then it’s time to get to sleep in order to do it all over again in the morning.  My goal bedtime each night is 9pm.  So this gives me only 3 hours from close of business to eat, do what I need to do, and get ready for the next day.  This includes grocery shopping, exercise, talking or emailing friends and family.  This scheduling is demanding and exhausting.

When I explain to people my hours, they say, wow, oh my god, but then later on they will still complain that I am not  calling enough, texting enough, writing enough, yet, I barely have time to eat, breathe, or think, let alone return calls and visit with everyone.   I have to be very choosy how I spend my time now. I even work until 1pm on Saturdays.  If you get a moment of my time, you are truly blessed, and possibly one of my chosen people. 

I am still trying to get used to the demanding hours and get a schedule going.  I am trying to work out more which is not happening yet.  I hope this week it starts to become more part of my routine than it has been. 

So to all of you who have been critical and harsh to me, I am trying my best.  Right now, I am trying to take care of myself.  My priorities for 2011 is taking care of me, trying to learn to live alone, be more healthy, work on my relationship, and create some security in my world, this includes working hard at my job.   So again, all of you who have been expecting more of me and been critical, give me a break or get used to being on the backburner.  This may sound harsh, but it’s the truth.  It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, but I am just being honest.  I have been getting a lot of criticism lately and I am taking it in stride but sometimes it has a negative affect on me as well.  Right now, I need as much positivity in my life as possible.  I need a good attitude to get through my long workdays.  Living alone and being so alone is very new to me and not easy.  I don’t do well living alone on my own.  I get very lonely.  I am very lonely these days but I have to get used to it because it’s almost impossible for me to spend lots of time with others and take care of everything I need to and get to sleep on time.  On the nights that I have my different weekly events I almost never get home before 10 and in bed before 11.  This throws off my schedule and I am dragging the next day. 

My goal is to have a good breakfast daily.  I have bought tickets to eat at the canteen.  Breakfast is from 6am-6:45am.  I have only made it there once.  I have not even ever had time to eat just cereal in my house before I run across the parking lot to work.  Not once.  So I am not lying when I say I have no time for myself.  I truly don’t.  It’s already the middle of February and I am wondering where the first month and a half of the year has gone.  I have barely been touching on my goals of the year as well.  However, working is helping me become more secure and that’s one of my goals this year.  I do not feel guilty for taking care of me.  I have spent most of my life taking care and focusing on others.  This year is about me;  Learning from my old mistakes and moving forward. 

So when you start working a job that you must work 6 days a week and 10 hour days from 7am to 6pm and manage to make time for everyone then you can give me some lessons but until then, give a girl a break...

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