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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Birthdays

So I turn 30 in a couple of months.  I'm not sure if I am dreading this or just feeling like whatever.  I never really cared much about my age, and I am not sure if I do really now either.  The more I think about life, I don't think about it in terms of numbers.  I have been thinking about my 'goals' in life lately, well, in general most of this summer.  But when my friend commented about how now that she got her masters' she really wants to start working on her 'life's purpose' and I had the Aha! moment when I read that.  I was like, YES!  That's it.  The sad or maybe real truth is, I don't really have any life's goals.  Sure, I really want a good long lasting relationship with someone that I love and is my best friend and I'd like to have a family with that someone, but is that really a goal?  I don't think so.  But I do know that I have some idea of what my life's purpose is.  So for me, I am not so hung up on goals anymore, but more, am I filling my life's purpose, my duty to society and the people I love?

Someone very close to me just had a birthday.  I never really asked him what his 'birthday' meant to him.  That was selfish of me.  Sometimes, I make myself sad, because I have become much more selfish in this last year.  This is not good.  But I am reflecting which can make me change, right?  There we go, something to work on before I turn 30.

Last year, I threw a huge Birthday party for myself on Halloween, even though my Birthday is actually on the 20th of October.  However, this year, the University is on fall break during this time.  My big sister is scheduled to come and visit me and we are hoping to travel.  Too be honest, even though I really want a birthday party, every time I have a party, I end up running, running and running and do not get to enjoy a moment of it.  Like last year, I didn't eat anything even though everyone was complaining that they didn't get 'seconds' of meat and I didn't even have a drink the entire night.  So I can tell you what I don't want, that.  My friend Prof C threw me a great kinda surprise birthday dinner party for me at the club and that was enjoyable.  However, this year, it reminds me of when I was a kid growing up because in Minnesota we have this mid October break each year called "MEA" and it always fell on my birthday, always.  But I think I am okay with this fall break falling on my birthday this year.  This year, I want to be with the one's I love and those that love me back.  That's enough for me.  Seriously.

Oh, and age is really just a number.  I think that's why I've always taken in stride.  This is something I learned from my pops, Stormin' Norman ages ago.  He's never really grown up or changed since I came into this world, as far as I can tell, but nonetheless, what I have learned from him as that it is really just a number and you can choose to be who you want to be, when you want to be.  He may not always have agreed with the fact that I wanted to be mature and boring at such a young age, but c'est la vie.  It's just me.

By the way, we don't have Birthday candles for sale in Yola :(

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