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Monday, August 16, 2010

August Numbers

These are the numbers so far for August.  However, the month is getting away from me and it seems my memory is too!  So I'll be adding as I go along.  I cannot believe it is already the 18th, omg!

*Stars denote first time viewing

films:
Catch and Release
Pride and Prejudice (Keira Knightley version)
What Goes Up*
Knight and Day*
Eclipse*
Inception*
Prince of Persia*
Grown Ups*
Cats and Dogs*
On the Line*


television series:
Mad Men:  Season One and Two*
Grey's Anatomy: Season One through Six
Weeds:  Season One and Two
True Blood: Season One*

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Pool Pics


The AUN Club pool has been under maintenance for the past weeks.  So here's how far they had gotten by lunchtime today.  Thankfully by evening they had gotten much further, so we might have our pool back again soon!  Yay!



I also did some eyebrow maintenance on myself today that was much needed. So here's a pic of me as well!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Patience


Someone said, "good things come to those who wait."  Well, those of you who know me well know I am not a patient person when it comes to waiting.  In fact, it *was one of my worst traits until recently.  I was known to be patient with difficult to handle special needs children and my father, but waiting for my mom to get home from work growing up almost killed me on a daily basis.  I hate being late, I hate people arriving or meeting me late, etc.  I used to freak out when I had to wait for almost anything.  Well, not anymore.

This summer has tested my patience.  I have learned that not all things are on Kate's time.  That sometimes I need to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride or view for a bit and that eventually it will be my time.  But I think my time is finally arriving.  My time is now.  Just like the Moloko song "the time is now."  I have waited patiently all summer long, it has not been easy, but I did it.  And guess what?  Good things are coming.  Kate is smiling again.  Of course, she still misses her friends and loved ones, but she'll be reunited with them all soon enough!  And the smile will still be there of course!

So I'm almost 30 and I have learned something new.  I have learned to wait and be patient and I did it all before I turned 30.  Now that is something to be proud of!

The weather in Yola has been incredible lately.  It's been cool, like in the low 90's and breezy.  I am loving it.  Seriously.  I just wish the pool would be filled up again.  I so cannot wait to swim again!  Anyway, I am alive and well.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Loneliness


In Yola, I have felt more lonely than I ever have in my life.  I think this has happened because I have created so many true friends in one small place.  Over the summer, most of my friends and loved ones have slowly left Yola.  One by one or two by two, they all got on planes and went to other parts of Nigeria, France, America, England, South Africa or some other place, some other place than Yola, far far away from me.  So often when we travel, our friends that we leave behind are out of sight, out of mind for the time being.

Currently, I have only one good friend in Yola.  I am lonely.  I am so lonely I have no words for it.  I miss my loved ones.  I miss them so much I cry all the time.  I miss them so much I cannot eat, keep food down when, sleep, or focus on much of anything.

I hate loneliness.  I think this is one of the worst feelings in the world.  Slowly but surely soon everyone (or mostly) will return to Yola.  However, only time will tell my fate as well.  Being in Yola without my friends and loved ones has really made me see how important they are too me and how precious they are.  I am going to make sure to tell each and every one of them how important they are too me and what they mean.  So for today, I have learned gratitude.  I am grateful for those who love me, thank you.  For all my friends and loved ones out there you all know who you are I miss you and I can't wait till I see you again...


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Optimism



So I am being optimistic these days.  I think it's helped keep me calm amongst this storm I am riding on.  I am taking a chance and hoping that things will work out as they should, and they should.  There's no reason that things shouldn't work out and they will.  I am being optimistic.  Everything will be fine.

I am usually a planner and plan for pessimism.  But not this time.  I am staying positive because everything will be just fine.  This has been my mantra lately.  Everything will be fine.  Everything will work out.

Why you might ask?  I have hope, faith and love in my life.  So everything will be fine.  What more does one really need anyway?

Baby Love


So this is the second time I have read this book by Rebecca Walker.  I re-read it because I loved this book.  Rebecca has an amazing voice and her story resonates with me.  This time it gave me some of the same thoughts, feelings, and emotions as last time, but this time I had some new ones as well.  I found this very interesting.

You see, like Rebecca and millions of other girls and women around the world, I have always wanted to have a baby, well, not so much baby, but a family.  I want the husband who will love me and our children. I want that kind of family.  The family that opens gifts on Christmas morning together and has evening dinners together.  I've always longed for this.  So far, I have not achieved this, but I am not giving up on this dream and I am not settling either.  However, I do think I am getting closer to this dream of mine.

So this book reminded me of some of my fears of having a baby.  First of, how do you know when the right time is?  How do you know when you are both ready for the added responsibility, albeit joy as well, of a baby?  Secondly, am I willing to give up my time, my energy, space, my tv and film time, money, and sleep for a baby?  I mean seriously, how do people do it?  At this point in my life, I am not so sure.  My third concern is related to healthcare.  Could I have a baby in Nigeria?  If not, can we relocate our lives to the states temporarily for a child?  I don't think I could manage doing all that by myself and wouldn't want too.  So if our jobs and life was in Nigeria, could I do it here?  How would the  carrying of a baby affect my health?  Will I ever be able to lose the weight?  Yes, these may seem like silly fears to some, but they are my fears nonetheless.

But I have many reasons why I want to have a baby someday.  I don't think I really need to list all of these because I think they are all quite obvious.  Anyway, I recommend Rebecca Walker's memoir of having a baby to anyone who's had a baby, wants to have a baby, or would just like another perspective on a female issue...

I love this book.  It's one of my favorites.  I rarely re-read anything, so, that should say something.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Birthdays

So I turn 30 in a couple of months.  I'm not sure if I am dreading this or just feeling like whatever.  I never really cared much about my age, and I am not sure if I do really now either.  The more I think about life, I don't think about it in terms of numbers.  I have been thinking about my 'goals' in life lately, well, in general most of this summer.  But when my friend commented about how now that she got her masters' she really wants to start working on her 'life's purpose' and I had the Aha! moment when I read that.  I was like, YES!  That's it.  The sad or maybe real truth is, I don't really have any life's goals.  Sure, I really want a good long lasting relationship with someone that I love and is my best friend and I'd like to have a family with that someone, but is that really a goal?  I don't think so.  But I do know that I have some idea of what my life's purpose is.  So for me, I am not so hung up on goals anymore, but more, am I filling my life's purpose, my duty to society and the people I love?

Someone very close to me just had a birthday.  I never really asked him what his 'birthday' meant to him.  That was selfish of me.  Sometimes, I make myself sad, because I have become much more selfish in this last year.  This is not good.  But I am reflecting which can make me change, right?  There we go, something to work on before I turn 30.

Last year, I threw a huge Birthday party for myself on Halloween, even though my Birthday is actually on the 20th of October.  However, this year, the University is on fall break during this time.  My big sister is scheduled to come and visit me and we are hoping to travel.  Too be honest, even though I really want a birthday party, every time I have a party, I end up running, running and running and do not get to enjoy a moment of it.  Like last year, I didn't eat anything even though everyone was complaining that they didn't get 'seconds' of meat and I didn't even have a drink the entire night.  So I can tell you what I don't want, that.  My friend Prof C threw me a great kinda surprise birthday dinner party for me at the club and that was enjoyable.  However, this year, it reminds me of when I was a kid growing up because in Minnesota we have this mid October break each year called "MEA" and it always fell on my birthday, always.  But I think I am okay with this fall break falling on my birthday this year.  This year, I want to be with the one's I love and those that love me back.  That's enough for me.  Seriously.

Oh, and age is really just a number.  I think that's why I've always taken in stride.  This is something I learned from my pops, Stormin' Norman ages ago.  He's never really grown up or changed since I came into this world, as far as I can tell, but nonetheless, what I have learned from him as that it is really just a number and you can choose to be who you want to be, when you want to be.  He may not always have agreed with the fact that I wanted to be mature and boring at such a young age, but c'est la vie.  It's just me.

By the way, we don't have Birthday candles for sale in Yola :(

Changes

Changes are happening all around me.  It feels like each moment is brand new, yes, it obviously is brand new, but I'm experiencing new things in my life and in a different way.  I'm striving and learning constantly these days.  Some of the changes are good and some are bad.  However, I'm dealing.  I'm moving forward. I don't really feel like getting deep into everything right now.  I'm hanging in there though.

I'll admit, most of my life I didn't deal well with change at all, in fact, it would usually put me into a complete tailspin and I'd fall apart.  Then one day, I got a little better at it thanks to this little drug called celexa, but you see, I am not on Celexa anymore because I haven't had access since I've moved to Nigeria. So this strength in me is my own.  I am having life thrown at me right now and I'm here.  I'm standing tall, I'm doing this on my own two feet.  I am so proud of myself.  I am doing what I have to do to move forward, to make my life work.  I think I would make my mother proud right now.  I guess I am growing up afterall.  This makes me smile.

Someday soon, I'll reveal all these new changes but for now, pray for me, please...  I need all the love, support, and hope I can get.  Thanks.  Na gode.